difference between holding a grudge and not forgetting

Friends truly see us and they like what they see within us. You accept who they are and know what youre dealing with. In one study, adults who held grudges for more than a decade experienced greater cognitive decline than those who were more forgiving. I still get upset, but less frequently. Its amazing how familiar that sounds, Maeve. And good thing you will not agree to sit the dogs. . My ex told me to stop treating him like a stranger and that we should just be nice to each other erm, you cheated on me and abused me physically and emotionally HELLOOO!?? You knowbasically the opposite attitude of what Ive expressed in a lot of the comments Ive made about people whove wronged me in my past. Though whenever we are together he is constantly receiving text messages and laughing the entire time. Maybe Twit is starting to get the message that things are changing, that I am not being thrown under the bus for her ego gratification as in the past. Bless you for your response. ( so that the flaws doesn't damage the relationship) With most cancers i guess :) . So I couldnt. PS Mymble I think being in this kind of relationship where we began to doubt ourselves, where we were with these nice passive aggressive guys is crazy making in very very sutble ways- I understand more of that now. Its driving me a bit crazy! 3. Thank Goodness. He told her I have done nothing wrong, do not owe her an apology, and would not be apologizing to her! She has proven over and over again that she will not stop and she is on a mission to destroy your marriage. I wrote that post last night in a moment of particular discomfort, and I was blown away this morning when I found your thoughtful replies. Last night my ex tried to convince me yet again that it is my insecurities and jealousies that are getting in the way of our relationship, because I told him that I would be crushed if he spent the holidays with his ex wife. I also observed undercurrents of hostile, disrespectful behavior. For example, Ive begun to pray for my enemies, including childhood abusers. Bottom linewe usually know (in our gut at least) if we are not being treated right or if something isnt right for US we need to trust our instincts on this and not put up with crap. Constructing a grudge, holding it (in a safe, responsible and uplifting way) and then forgiving the personwhich is much easier once you've got a solid grudge in placeis the answer. Youre right. He knows. He tried like hell to convince me to be present to now. Thank you, Yoghurt- Your post makes 100% sense. So we fool ourselves unless we pay 100% attention to our thoughts and actions. Thanks. The psychological health benefits of accepting negative emotions and thoughts: Laboratory, diary, and longitudinal evidence. Holding grudges can weigh you down. I was speaking from my own personal experience and making it a carte blanche rule for everyone. This is a forever vibe, but Im particularly feeling it today. Within a couple of hours, my mother was having a go at me. So when I experienced that behavior towards myself, I would ask myself, what would you do if someone were treating your daughter that way. That she might not be perfect, but she is still her mother and deserves respect as such. He married that gf (maybe, already fiance?) A few small incisions, some arthroscopic work, a day of recovery in the hospital. Shes a nasty skank who thinks nothing of using her friends to sleep with their husbands behind their backs, and cant keep friends for long (wonder why). Even if you think you are not good enough for love or that you dont deserve love, know that the moment true love is revealed to you will be the very moment you could live in for eternity. This after calling me Satans spawn at one point for me not being as infuriated as she was at a woman who suggested that my aunts 5$ haircut wasnt the most stylish thing shed ever seen. A new study expounds upon the link between mind and body; it shows that holding a grudge may not weigh only on your mind but also upon your physical person. This of course prompts me to ask WTF and he tells me my friend and their son moved out in Sept. Also, it is demeaning and condescending to say this. Im doing pretty well. The more willing we are to have and create healthy boundaries is the more intimacy we experience because were honest about who we are, what we like, what matters to us, and what we need, want, expect, feel and think. Didnt I Mean Something To Them? Researchers have shown that unhealthy emotional regulation, blaming others, suppressing emotions, and holding on to these negative feelings all beget more negative feelings. Forgiveness and acceptance, on the other hand, often lead to a more emotionally stable mindset, less stress, and healthier well-being..

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